the unemployment learning curve

Since moving I've been unemployed, that's almost 4 months so far. Now, I've been unemployed before and it was never a pretty situation. This time I went from working 3 (at one point 4) jobs, 1 of which was perfect, 1 was pretty good and the last was with a company I'd been with for 3 years. I went from getting up at 6am and working 13 hour days sometimes 7 days a week to nothing. At first it was a welcomed vacation; I got to see J after he'd been gone for a month, we went to Disneyland, visited with friends for the last time before we moved then we drove across country stopping to see more friends on the way. We got to Alabama and spent the first week, before our moving truck arrived, exploring the area. Our dogs loved running up and down the stairs in the empty house. Then we unpacked. J's dad came and visited and then it was Christmas.

That's when it all went downhill.

There was nothing left to look forward too. I spent January job hunting to the max but just kept loosing steam as my efforts failed. I was watching my savings account diminish and felt guilty after spending money on groceries. When I moved out of the house, for the first time, I was off to college. Living in the dorms I immediately made friends and always had something to do (besides going to class of course). Then when I moved to southern California I moved in with a friend who grew up in the area which meant instant friends as well. Even when I moved into my own apartment months later I already knew a few people and I was living in a urban area so in my free time I would just go wander. I would browse the bargain table at the bookstore, grab a cheap cup of coffee and people watch. I would walk around stores and imagine my perfect apartment. There was always something to do.

Now there isn't anything to do. There isn't one single place I can just go 'walk around', theres a mall about 30 minutes away but it's pretty small, and I don't really want to be reminded that I can't buy anything. Apparently sidewalks aren't something that exists in Alabama so most outdoor walks are out of the question.

There's only so much cleaning and cooking and surfing the internet that I can handle. At first it was relaxing and I took full advantage, now it's depressing. I've tried to find everything possible to do while at home; I've started my vegetable garden, tried new recipe after new recipe, re-learned how to sew and continue to job hunt.

I had an epitome the other night...J and I had just finished our workout and I decided to take a bath, instead of a shower, so I wouldn't go to bed with a wet-head (never fun). I was relaxing, reading a book on Positive Discipline (my life-long goal is to open a preschool, but that's a story for another time) and I started getting all these motivating thoughts. I began putting together a mental list of things I wanted to research and take note of. It felt really good to be that passionate about something -then it hit me. THIS is what I need to do everyday, but not when bedtime looms.

As a child, my mom was always annoyed that on weekends and during the summer I would get really motivated around 4pm. The day would be long gone yet I'd want to start some project or another. Well Mom, it's happened again. Hopefully, my motivational trick will help me get moving earlier.

So the plan is to get up earlier and start my day with checking something off the list as well as a little motivational reading. Something to get the gears moving. I'll let ya know how it goes, now if I could just figure out how to NOT be unemployed...